This year already seems to be bright and shiny – and a great time to a make shift toward creating a better life at home and at work. As one of my friends said: no matter how positive this year seems, we can’t have a new life if we are sitting in some “toxic waste”. So the thought that popped up for me was – is one of your family members masquerading as you or one of your team members at work? Interesting thought, isn’t it? Consider the toxic relationships you had last year in your work life. Wouldn’t you like to resolve some of those challenges? The freshness of the New Year is a perfect time to look at what patterns and hidden factors may be affecting your business’s productivity. We often forget that when we are in our “work clothes” (that could be PJs for someone in a home office), we bring ourselves and our families to our work, our business team and our clients. You’re probably saying, of course we bring ourselves, but how did our families get in there? What you may forget is that you’re a complex being. You bring to work your conscious thoughts of what you want, your gifts and strengths, your bias’s or openness and your values. Hidden are the patterns and baggage you bring from your family, as well as your past work relationships, which are interwoven into the fabric of who you are. All of that affects you at work!
Many times we are aware of the challenges and patterns but we don’t make changes. It could be because we are afraid it will cost us money or a valuable employee, or what we need to do will hurt someone’s feelings. Or we just don’t want to take the time to resolve an issue because we’re worried over what will unravel as a result. I know I had all those feelings about an associate who had been a valued team member with many positive contributions. However, when the relationship and productivity became problematic, what surfaced was my “ingrained family pattern” of putting other people’s needs before mine. I was also secretly afraid that I wouldn’t be able to replace them with someone just as talented. Although not productive at times, this team member and I had our dance routine so we were good together, yet dysfunctional partners. I know that may sound silly but that was part of the problem. The bottom line is that it cost both of us. For me it cost me time and money.
Is there a person on “your team” who seems to take a lot of your time or they’re not as productive as you would like? Or is there someone who is productive but there always seems to be drama surrounding them? This can be an employee or someone you hired as a consultant, web designer, etc. Most of the female professionals I coach voice concerns about someone on their team. Once we looked a little closer, they found a person in their biological family triggered the same reactions that a team member triggered. Believe it or not, many times that team member is mirroring emotions from unresolved or difficult family relationships!
In this New Year, what would be a first step to make sure no one is “hiding in your business clothes”? First, resolve to focus on what’s working, because there are positive patterns and policies that are working for you. Make it a calendar activity to take stock weekly or monthly on what’s working. Where else can you strengthen or replicate what’s already working? Where are the challenges? Where are the hidden masqueraders? In the quiet, ask who is coming to work with you, masquerading as you, or who is mirroring someone in your family? Just being able to recognize the cause is the second step. You then are on you way to “resolving”!
No costumes, no masquerades- just be you at your best,
Bonnie
very interesting thoughts indeed. But even if it’s someone is masquerading as xy, I found it better to part from those folks. Do you think that’s not right (for you)? Would you rather work on “your issues” and notice the change in other people’s behavior? If so,- that’s amazing!
Cheers from Eva
Hi Eva,
I believe first you shift yourself. Let go of blame etc and then see what the choices are. I absolutely believe there are times to let go of a relationship. The most fun is when you see the relationship become a win for both as you shift. I hear that all the time from my clients how the person they were upset with “changed” once they did.
Thanks for your post
Bonnie